‘It might have been’

John Whittier narrates the story of Maud Muller, a poor farm lass “of simple beauty and rustic health”. One day, as she worked, she sees the young Judge of the village riding up to her. Both are drawn to each other. She dreams of the riches that would be hers if she were to marry him, while the Judge too longs for joyous living with nature, freed from “the doubtful balance of rights and wrongs” and the “weary lawyers with endless tongues”.

The two, however, are not destined to unite, as the Judge weds a “wife of richest dower” and Maud marries “a man unlearned and poor”, as “care and sorrow and child-birth pain left their traces on heart and brain”.

Nevertheless, Maud and the Judge, even in the midst of their allotted lives, continue to dream of each other. These vain dreams are epitomised by Whittier thus, “God pity them both! and pity us all,/ Who vainly the dreams of youth recall.” He also notes, “For all sad words of tongue or pen,/The saddest are these: ‘It might have been!’ ” A remarkable similarity to this is to be found in a touching Tamil short story, Kadithamum Kannerum, of late ‘Kalki’ Krishnamoorthy, which originally appeared in Ananda Vikatan in 1938, with the published English translation (Penguin) by Gowri Ramnarayan.

The story is about Annapurani. She explains to her colleague how love can inspire one to high levels of creativity. Widowed at the age of nine, after child marriage, Annapurani had gone, while yet in her teens, to a wedding, where she observes a young man staring at her. Later, he gives her a letter. Overcome by love and helplessness, Annapurani spends many days crying. Illiterate thus far, she learns to read and write. She then comes to know that the man, who had known that she was a child widow, had asked her, in this letter, to marry him, suggesting she come to the evening ceremony, just holding a piece of flower in her hand, to signal her consent. Alas, in view of Annapurani’s illiteracy then, the union never, therefore, takes place!

Spurred by a will to help the deprived, lest they too miss out on opportunities for sheer want of right upbringing, Annapurani founds a remarkable institution for women and the destitute. However, like Maud Muller, she too, now aged, carries eternally the weight of the regretful longing for what could have been hers, if only...
Indeed, it takes immense dynamism, resourcefulness and presence of mind to sail on in life, never ever troubled by the feeling, “...it might have been”.

--- Courtesy 7 Dec 2009, 0406 hrs IST, K Vijayaraghavan, ET Bureau

Sweet Memoirs 0f mA LifE

Well, Well, Well, I know its being too late for people and too early for me to peek into mA life...

I promise I wont let you people down. So, here's the best part of my life...going live before you...

And for all those philosophers and astrologers and whosoever told that people may fall in love a maximum number of SEVEN times in one life...

So the girls in mA life include:

Tiki - Childhood Imaginations.

Rama - Adolescence essence.

Debabala Senapati - The girl I cried for the first time.

The Unnamed girl in the train - While travelling from Bhubaneswar to Tata for Scout Exam.

Sarita - College life - No Proposing - No Love.

Janet Elayne Forward - The girl whose memories I still cherish.

Rozalin Pattnaik - Proposing on the last day of Engineering did'nt make any sense.

Nivedita Pradhan - Confused whether I was really in love with.

Anita Thomas - While travelling from Bangalore to Bhubaneswar in Prashanti Express with Bismaya, after failing in MBA entrance Exam.

Swapna - One year, together, and we never proposed each other.

Marina Valerina D'Souza - The girl who taught me what's exactly Love is and for whom I still cry for sometimes . Taught me everything what I needed to know and in details.

Christabelle D'souza - She can give you or for that matter anyone the best 'Ummmm' ever... No expectations but a lot of cribbing for Love...The Best Girl I know.

Sukanti Mahananda - No definition for this girl as I know she would be the best wife one will get. The only thing I repent is I may not.

Sipika Sahu - An illusion who never came out of imagination.

Nandini - I do really wish you get a much better guy than me - you simply deserve more.


Come meet me and I'll prove all your theories and concepts about love to be wrong... The number of girls in ma life is still counting (I'm just 28 years Young) and believe me except for a few I'm still in touch with almost all of them.

I can be in love with two girls simultaneously and with equal passion. I can be nice with them and be nice all over again cause I can't hurt them for whatever reason. I can forget my past, be in a relation with a new girl and still cherish memories of my past girlfriend.

The only thing I know is to spread love, treat a girl as good as I can and wish to be with all of them forever...

Love Letters

I really love to write letters. I always prefer a mail than an Email. This is just one of the many thousand letters I've written to different people in my life. I just thought this might turn as a good content for my blog. The idea got into my head lately and I dont have copies of any of the previous letters written by me. However, I promise after today, I'll save a copy of each and every letter and post it here...

This one I wrote to a girl (my cousin) who loves me and still hates me...May be the last letter I'll ever write to her...

Hi Sipi,

I hope you're fine.

Thanks for everything that you and your family bestowed up on me. There will be some special moments which I can never forget in my life...I really loved playing around with Neha and Sneha. More than that I really loved and will miss most the moments I spent with your Granny. Tankara Aanchal re muhan pochhiba...tanku gela kariba...tanka kolare muhan luchei soiba...

I wasn't able to meet Abhas, however, he must be a nice gentleman. I really never thought I will be able to see you ever...however, at last I saw you...And infatuated by your looks? Nah....Hope you know whats infatuation is and what is love...

Infatuation is when you see someone very beautiful and just go by his or her looks...Love is when you start liking someone even without seeing him or her...I never saw you before this time. Before meeting you I never thought how you might be looking, how you might behave and how is your family?

I just had one thing in my mind that I'm going to meet someone ...someone who is a part of my family and still so far since we were born...Mun kebala etiki chahin thili je mun tumaku, tuma family ku jauta mor bi gote family...Biswas kara ba na kara....Kalyani nani ra bahaghra parjyanta mun jani bi nathili je mor aau gote mausi ghar achhi boli. Je mor aau gote Mamu ghar achhi boli...Mun jete bele janili je haan mor di di ta Mamu Ghar..Mor ahuri bi mausi mane achhanti....I was so excited...

Mun kete chesta karithili tuma family bisyare janiba payin, Katapali bisayare janiba payin...Haan may be there are differences between your and my family. May be my family and your family doesn't like each other...May be...Karana real story ta mun janichi..jete bele Alka mote kahila je kahinki mor maa Katapali Jaanti nahin...Kahinki Bui nani eka katapali jae aau mote aau Kuni ku mana kara hue...I just thought lets try to link up the broken chain between our families.

Kan seita mor bhul?Haan may be eita mor bhul hei thai pare je mun tike deri karideli...Afterall guys grow up much later than girls.

Jaha hau, mun bahut khusi je mun banchi thiba bhitare mote Alka bhaliya gote sister millila je mote bahut bhal paye. Deepak bhaliya gote bhai milila je sabu bele mo kapdaa be dhoi diye.

Bodh hue eei mor last email tumaku, bodh hue yaa pare mun kebhe bi Bolangir gale bi tuma ghara ku jibini...Bodh hue mun Abhas bhainku kebe bi dekhi paribini face to face...bodh hue eei last dekha ta hin mor tuma sahita first aau last dekha eei jiban re...

Kintu sei gote din Mar 27th of 2008 smruti hei ki rahi jiba mo manare...jau dina mun tuma ghare rahili aau Sneha Neha sahita khelili aau ete majaa karili aai sathire...

Mun bahut khusi je at least mo life bhitare mun khojiki payili Kalyani Nani, Manisha Nani, Gayatri Nani, Deepak, Alka, Anil, Rajani Nani, Sunita, Sneha, Neha,OmPrakash dada and Biswadev, Buiswaraaj dada etc

Khali jadi bakii rahi gala ta kebala...tume...

On Khuswant Singh

Malice. The word is synonymous with Khuswant Singh; his pen has spared no one... .... as written in "The Big Book Of Malice".

Irrepressible, Cuttingly Candid, Provocatively Truthful, Saucy - Khuswant Singh as described in one of his books "Women & Men In My Life".

Womanizer, Lecher, Unable to control his libido but an "Emotional Fool" thinking from heart, gypsy at heart always roaming around in dream land Caring, Loving, Understanding, Nomadic, Vagabond - this is how I'd like to describe Khuswant Singh.

I didn't know much about this writer (Even now I know least about his personal life) till some 8 years back when my neighbour "Neil Eric" handed over a book to me - "The Company of Women" written by Khuswant Singh.

I devoured each page of the book throughly enjoying each and every word of it. "Fucking" sells might have been the "Mantra" behind this great author's publicity and fame, however, even "Fucking" without brains leads to all sort of problems.

Khuswant Singh has the brains to use a proper "Protection" to avoid all sort of post "fucking" anomalies.

And yes, after going through his first (for me) book - The Company of Women, I have read all other books written by him including "Book of Unforgettable Women", Malicious Gossip", " More Malicious Gossip", Women & Men In My Life", " The Big Book Of Malice".

What I enjoyed reading the most were "The Company of Women" and "Women & Men In My Life".

No prizes in guessing that I did liked reading most of his books written around Women.

Does the above description for Mr. Khuswant Singh holds true for me then?

Yes, inspired by him and his character "Mohan Kumar" from The Company Of Women, I've decided to put down on paper everything about "The Girls in My Life".

The Perfect Wife

How to Be The Almost Perfect Wife

"If you could tell someone how to be the almost wife, what would you tell her?"

Of course, it's not easy for husbands to open up and share their feelings. After all, they're men.

Allow me to share with you "Three Top Tips for Pleasing Your Husband." :

1. Believe in him
More than anything, a man needs to know he has your support - that you believe in him 100%. Alan, 29, on his first day of marriage wrote:

"Believe in me,believe in me,believe in me."

Will your husband always succeed? Will things work out exactly as planned? Regardless of the stumbling blocks your husband may encounter, he needs to know he still has your support.

As Ed, 47, married 25 years, so openly requests: "Be my cheerleader. Believe that I have the talent to achieve my dreams, even if it takes longer than I ever imagined."

Married 42 years, Roland 64, offers this sage advice: "Listen attentively to your husband's dreams and aspirations. Even if you think they're unreachable, humor him. Support him. Maybe even get excited with him. Your husband will love and appreciate you because you encouraged - rather than discouraged - him. Later in life, a husband wants to look at his wife and say, 'Honey, you were with me.' Not 'If only… '"

Finally, consider this bit of wisdom from Jim, 80, a widower after 53 years of marriage: "Men are just boys who need attention and reassurance - pretty much all the time. They need you to sit on their laps, kiss them for no reason and assure them that you love them."


2. Be accepting

Charles, 38, requests: "Accept your husband as the man he is, instead of wishing you could change things here and there." Bill, 47, adds: "Stop trying to control and change us so much. We're not 'diamonds in the rough' - we're men. The same men you fell in love with and married in the first place."What's a good way to think about just how "accepting" you are? The next time your spouse wants to do something that you think is stupid, ridiculous, or a complete waste of time or money, see if you say the words: "Honey, go for it!"

For example:

"It's a fact: Every husband needs at least 2 hours a week on the couch in front of the TV - without having to answer any questions. Just to veg out." - Ray, 39, married 7 years

"When I go out to play sports or be with the guys, try to understand you're giving me something I really need. Women want flowers? Guys want to have time with each other without having to justify themselves for being away a few hours." - Eric, 28, married 6 years

"If I want to go to bed later than you it doesn't mean I don't love you. It means I want to go to bed later than you." - Neil, 47, married 12 years

"Accept that I'm not 'escaping' to work: I'm going there because I need to work. Besides, when I feel better about my work, I feel better about everything else." - Eric


3. Be gentle

Does being accepting of your husband mean you can't disagree with him or offer a "course correction" now and then? Not at all. But husbands - as "manly" as they may appear - need for their spouses to be gentle about it. As Charlie, 28, married 11 years, explains: "If you think I'm wrong, try to guide me to where you think I should be. Don't beat me up and drag me there."Believe it or not, most husbands generally are trying their best - no matter how wrongheaded their actions may appear. So try to be patient, merciful and kind. "And limit your criticisms," says Ben, 81, "to things that really matter."Perhaps Terry, married 23 years, sums it up best: "Be a friend who is there to lend support, but still cares enough to confront me when I make a fool of myself." Questions for reflections:

On a rating of 0 to 10, how strongly would your husband say you believe in him?

When was the last time you told your husband you were proud of him?

When was the last time you said to your husband "Go for it!" when you're really thinking: Why would anyone want to do that!?"

On a rating of 0 to 10, how gentle are you when offering advice or a "course correction" to your husband?

Dating - Love - Marriage - Kids

The Indian (side of the world wide) Dating Story.

(If you're "She", please forgive me for being truthful. I have written it as it came to my mind and keeping honesty with my heart and soul. There might be content in this story or rather which my mind forced me to think of you - which might hurt you. However, I believe the beginning of a wonderful relationship should be with truth and for that I can take any punishment that you might deem fit).

Hope we continue to nurture this wonderful relation thats budding...


“Are you dating me then”? She asked. Nope, it’s just like for the sake of writing, I said.
The truth was that I was actually thinking of…


Prelude:

At some point of time or the other, every person in this world needs and searches for a partner. The partner should match his or her criteria exactly with no wild cards.

At the age of 27, half settled in life, meeting thousands of prospective partners, being infatuated by childhood crush’s and after being in love and betrayed for good, even I’m looking for that special someone.

Like every other ordinary person, I’m also trying, Orkut, Yahoo Messenger, Flopper and hordes of other social networking sites and methods to meet that one person who will fit into my exact “Search” criteria.

I dumped a lot of girls and another double number of girls dumped me. So, even the searching process is getting dull by each passing day. And I had started to love staying single. At least I can confirm that I was NOT desperately trying to get a partner.

Hmmm, but I’m still using “Orkut” for being in touch with good old friends. Scouting through my friend’s - friend’s list, checking through profiles of good looking girls, girls who might fit into my “Search” criteria to find that one special someone.

Like many others even I’m joined to many online communities.

Finding Her:

It was, may be a month back from today and I was going through the members list of one of my favorite online communities.

I happened to spot a girl and/or lady with a very peculiar online name (which, later I found out that it is in French and had a very beautiful meaning in English). What interested me more than her “Online Name” is the community she was a member of. Over that she was from my part of the world. I got an interest in her. She had an “Imposter” picture pasted to her profile page – I knew that.

Men, will always be men. Wow! Let’s try wooing her. I’ve nothing to lose if I fail. So I scrapped her first “Are you from XYZ place?”


12/6/07
Myself:
from Sambalpur? Gr8 to know people from my part of the world...what do you do in BBSR then? study? work? or settled in BBSR?

She never replied. After about three days, I sent her a friend’s request. No replies still. I used to check through her profile every day and was waiting eagerly for her to accept my “Friend’s Request”.

Her description about herself matched about 80% my “Search” criteria. I was getting a bit impatient lest I shouldn’t lose her before I find her.

It was going to be about a month, one day I just decided to give it one last chance before letting her go into oblivion.

12/25/07
Myself:
Wish you a Very Happy and Merry Christmas


So I scrapped her “Request accept nayin karbar hele reject karba sina, pending rakhikiri kayen kaam?” that’s in a local dialect of the “Oriya” Language in India which means “If you do not wish to accept the friend’s request, better reject it. It doesn’t make sense keeping it pending”.

Jan 19
Myself:
I think you have a friends request pending in your home page. Nai Add karbar hele reject karba sina pending rakhikiri kaien kaam?


Fuhget that bitch – I said to myself. Almost 90% the girls are same in nature. Keep seeking for more attention. Attention – ma foot. I’m not gonna give her a shit if she doesn’t even care to reject my friendship with a courtesy note. I have seen lot-o-girls in ma life and that has made me wiser in terms of dealing with girls.

About five days and – Oh My Good God – I had a reply from her – “I didn’t got any friend’s request from you sir”.

Jan 26 She:
i hav not got ne frd request 4m u sir..


So nice of her. Again a “Men’s heart” (bloody damn this heart) is at work and his brain has gone down the balls. I was saying to myself “so nice of her” for a single word that she wrote - “Sir”.

Is the gal really so nice? C’mon girls can’t be so nice – if she is at the very first conversation – take my word – it’s a boy out there, pretending to be a girl and have some fun playing and watching you drown in love with HER?


Ok, lets give her a benefit of doubt. I tried sending a friends request again. And got a response from “Orkut” which after that episode changed the whole situation:

Add friend

We are awaiting a response You have already added this person, but we have not yet received a response to your offer of friendship. Please be patient.


When I tried to re-check in my “Friends List”, This is what I saw:

Jan 27
She:
She----> bhubaneswar, orissa India waiting for "She" to approve friends The above is what I'm getting when I try to add you again...

So, it was either she doesn’t want to accept my friendship and hence lying that she hasn’t received my request, or, there are some technical problems between our two accounts.


I clearly let her know that there can’t be any technical snags as far as my knowledge about working of “Web Sites”. So she should accept the “Friends Request” that I sent her or send me one from her side.

She replied again:

Jan 27
She:
havnt got ne request 4m u..
Reply



Let’s do some background verification work. Let’s get sleuth!!!

As I scouted through the scrapbook of this lady, I found that she has got a history of “Not Accepting” any one’s friends request and also has the same tendency to lie that she hasn’t received any at all.

Oh! What an Idea! This girl is pre determined not to entertain any guys. Cool!

So, leave her alone!!!


Dating Still:

Oh-ma God!! On the morning of Feb XY, Just-outta- the blue, I got a chat window popping out from my google talk with the message : “ I really didn’t receive any requests from you” Guess who was writing?

Man, I can’t believe this girl was chatting (or may be interested in chatting) with me. It was me who scrapped her first, I confess, but straight away chatting? Scrapping is like receiving an SMS from any stupid fellow. You can’t help receiving those nasty scraps. But Chat? You have the full control either to accept or deny or not top respond to any chat request.

So, this girl is coming out-of-her-cocoon. I’ll help her become and fly as a beautiful butterfly. Determined I was!

*****Well the story, at present, is running just a little ahead of this. Will keep posting as and when I real mile is covered*****